our father who art in heaven

I will not ever forget the night I pulled the covers up to tuck Kale in and asked him to say his prayers. We don’t really have a specific prayer that we say every night, he is always welcome so speak to The Good Lord about anything, often he would recite the Lords Prayer, which we had studied, so he understood what he was praying.

I believe it was August 2nd 2009. Kale looked at me, and then fell onto me - not as a child, but a grieving big brother - something he should never have to experience as a child. He was asked by our pastor to come up to the pulpit and say the Lords Prayer at Story’s memorial on July 31, 2009. Kale was well versed in this prayer and had such a deep connection with Story - he was locked eyes with the canvas that Cristy Nielson so generously created for our family. Microphone in hand, Kale prayed. I think everyone had tears in their eyes. Back to August 2^nd - he told me he didn’t want to pray because it made him cry.

What do you tell a 7-year-old who was not refusing to pray, but physically ached at the thought; it hurt deep in his soul to realize this loss. He just could not understand why *ALL* of our earnest prayers did not bring her back. He burst into tears. He would not hold me or talk about it further. To this day he will only recite The Lords Prayer with Timber; who is still learning and doesn’t know the prayer in its entirety. Kale will do anything for his sisters.

I grieve and tear up, quite frequently, knowing he should have another younger sister and to go into the thoughts of what he must feel about not having his big brother. Kale is a child who lives to love and all of this is missing in his life. My sweet boy is an 8-year-old that will happily change a cloth diaper, feed his baby sister, help his middle sister with anything she needs, and he enjoys doing all of this. Kale was the one to cut Story’s umbilical cord. He feels the loss. I desperately wish I could take it all away. He shouldn’t be going through this. What really blows me away is that his primary concern is for how I am coping. He truly is an amazing child and wise beyond his years.