processing

I am so angry as I think about what was taken from us in her death. We were not allowed to hold her. We had to fight for a chance to even see her. I wanted to scoop her up and cuddle her. I wanted to take my time with her to say goodbye. Maybe a picture or a hand and footprint. Because of the way the police improperly processed everything, it was a crime scene investigation and we were not even allowed to touch her. (Of course, I pressed my face against her cheeks and kissed her – but they would not unzip the body bag all the way. They were nervously rushing us so the M.E. could take her. It has been almost two years and I am just now truly processing the closure that was stolen from us in her death. All of the apologies we received from the officers superiors for improper processing of the scene will never give us that last cuddle. I am angry.